The Best Event of the Year/Transcript
This is the transcript for The Best Event of the Year. Transcript (Sophie is seen dancing on a field; an acoustic guitar is being played in the background) Sophie: Ahh, what do I do today on this field? (TGB1 rolls over the field with this company, TGB1 Industries) Sophie: What have you done? TGB1: This factory is here to stay! (James arrives) James: Well, isn't this not good- holy crap! (James sees TGB1 Industries) James: Oh no, you don't! (James destroys TGB1 Industries) (the building instantly rebuilds itself) (James keeps destroying the building) (the building keeps rebuilding itself) TGB1: You know what? I'm gonna take this building and set it at the heart of New City, because you obviously don't want it here. (King Jerk arrives) King Jerk: You're not taking this company to the heart of anything! You know why? I'm the king of this town! I rule over this little town, and- (TGB1 kills King Jerk) TGB1: Gonna move it over to the heart of New City, and nothing's stopping me! (Dib picks up a broken trumpet and a button which turns the field back to normal) (a rock band is seen playing in the background) Dib: Could we please turn the music off? (the rock band stops playing) (Dib presses the button and the field turns back to normal) (Dib goes into a house) Ernest: Dib, you're here! But we were expecting some Fox and Comedy Central characters! (Dipper is seen reading reports on Bill Cipher) Dipper: It's a long story. (the rock band is seen reading "Rock 101") Dib: So what are you guys doing here? Dipper: Evidently, Ernest is planning a BBQ. Dib: Now I see why there's a grill and plenty of Mist Twst outside! Dipper: How do you know about that drink? Dib: I keep up with the latest stuff. That's why I know about the comeback of Surge. Dipper: OK, then. Sophie: Uhh... my cousins shouldn't hear bad words at their age. Dib: That's all I wanted to know. This is a microchip which censors all the bad words. Sophie: What does it do? Dib: It's a microchip. It does what it's supposed to do. Sophie: How does one make a microchip like that? (cut to Zim's house) Zim: I need to get rid of these bad language-filtering computers! But how am I supposed to get rid of them when the humans have blocked the road? (cut back to Dib) Dib: It's made using alien technology. Dipper: OK... (Mabel Pines arrives) Mabel: Dipper! I just heard about this BBQ, and I heard that it was gonna be cool! Dib: I'm waiting to put in these microchips. Ernest: Oh yeah. The Fox and Comedy Central characters are coming in five hours. (Dib faints) Dib: Where are they? (PB&J Otter arrive) Dib: You're here! (Dib takes out three microchips) Peanut: What are the side effects of these? Dib: Last time I checked, there were none. (Dib inserts the microchips into PB&J) Dib: There, now we're done! Ernest: So you're all coming! Great! OK, bye! (hangs up) Dib: What did they say? Ernest: They'll be coming in 3 hours! (Dib faints) (Preston arrives) Preston: Do you have one of those microchips? Dib: I do have an extra one. (Dib inserts a microchip into Preston) Dib: There we go! Preston: Well, it'll certainly come in handy. (Gorge appears) Gorge: I heard about this BBQ and I wanted to bring some pizza but, take what you get, I guess... (a crate of Caffeine-free Sun Drop is set next to the Mist Twst) Dib: Oh, right. More drinks are coming in! (Chrome and Bagel arrive) Chrome: But where's the Mountain Dew? Dib: They're sold out. (BatDoug arrives) BatDoug: Where's the DougDew? Dib: Sold out. BatDoug: I, BatDoug, defender of- Dib: -nothing. BatDoug: Don't be ridiculous! I defend everything! I only drink DougDew! Dib: Sold out. (Gorgina arrives) Gorgina: I literally had to step out of that mirror so I could come here! (a crate of Caffeine-free Diet Sun Drop comes in) Dib: Well, they know you. (Edd, Tom and Matt arrive) Edd: I heard about this BBQ via Tom! Tom: Saw it and it looked awesome! Matt: Really, Tom? Tom: No one asked you. Ernest: 2 hours! (Timmy Turner arrives) Dib: Got any wishes? Timmy: I wish the trumpet was fixed! (the broken trumpet gets fixed easily) (Dib puts it up) Ernest: Is that the sound of people coming? I thought they were coming later. (it was actually the members of REO Speedwagon) Dib: Ladies and gentlemen, REO Speedwagon! Ernest: So they are gonna be right on schedule! Dib: More people are coming! (it was actually Rocko, Sans and Sonic the Hedgehog) Rocko: I just came here to have a good time. Sans: Do you wanna have a bad time, Rocko? Sonic: I dunno how, but an event like this equals chili dogs! (a crate of Coke is put behind the Mist Twst) Edd: Oh, goody. My cola finally came in! Dib: Well, let's hope that more people come! (Manny Rivera arrives) Manny: It's a long story. (the Curiousgorge66 Studios executive arrives) Ernest: What's going on here? CG66 Studios exec: We wanted to give you a CD to use at the party. Ernest: It's nice, but... we've already set up some of the acts to be used at this event. (the CG66 Studios exec is handed a list of acts for the event) CG66 Studios exec: "Jason Aldean, Michael Jackson, Chase Rice, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and Katy Perry"? Ernest: The last three are not gonna be played at all. Here's the updated list. CG66 Studios exec: Aside from the top three mentioned, it says... I need a list of genres that will be used for this event. Ernest: Here's the list. CG66 Studios exec: "Jazz, Folk, Country, Synth Pop, Blues, Polka, Fanciful music, Dramatic music, Disco, Funk, EDM, and Rap"? So you're saying rock music isn't gonna be played at the event? Ernest: Actually, I ran out of room to write down "Rock" on that side of the paper you were reading, so I wrote it in really big letters on the back. (the CG66 Studios exec turns the paper to the back) CG66 Studios exec: I see. Ernest: And I crossed out "Rap" at the last minute and replaced it with "R&B". CG66 Studios exec: Is "R&B" written on the back? Ernest: Yes. CG66 Studios exec: Does rock music also include all of its various genres? Ernest: Well, the rock music has to be instrumental. Remember the last time that a heavy metal concert was taking place in New City? It was full of harsh words. That's why the rock music is instrumentals-only for this event. But yes, it does. CG66 Studios exec: Does it have to be Synth Pop first? Ernest: The order doesn't matter, just as long as the following genres are used. (Dib comes back with a box of musical instruments) Dib: Just in case you're wondering, this box includes a trumpet, a banjo, a violin, a drum kit, an acoustic guitar, an electric guitar, a saxophone, a ukulele, a bass guitar, a bassoon, bongos, a flute, a slide for the guitars, a mandolin, a trombone, a bagpipe, a tuba, a french horn, an acoustic piano, an electric piano, a Hammond organ, a synthesizer, another electric guitar, and a distortion pedal. Two distortion pedals, actually. Ernest: OK, we didn't need to hear that incredibly long list, but thanks. Dib: It was so incredibly long, I dunno what they're being used for. Ernest: The various music genres for the event, of course! Tom? (Tom kicks another box to reveal a violin ensemble) (Ernest plies open another box to reveal a jazz ensemble, complete with a drum kit and a bass guitar) Tom: When are they playing? Ernest: When they get their cue. Matt: Look, there's Tord! (Tord arrives) Tord: Yes, Matt. I'm here for the event, also. Gorge: When is the event starting? Ernest: As soon as the Fox and Comedy Central characters arrive. We've already got the beverages, the music, what's being served at the event- Gorge: Not all of the beverages. You-know-who still doesn't have her orange juice. Ernest: Oh, the orange juice for Baby Butter? They're bringing it in right now. Dib: Those guys are fast! (a crate of orange juice bottles comes in) Gorge: So... now what? (Ernest checks his phone) Ernest: I think I hear people. Gorge: Is it someone other than the Fox and Comedy Central characters? (Zim and GIR arrive) GIR: I'll make some waffles! Zim: I'm here to get rid of these dirty language-filtering computers! (Zim puts the computers in the house) (Bill Cipher arrives) Bill Cipher: Oh, look. A BBQ. Oh, wait! I can't cause Weirdmageddon here! There's something keeping my weirdness at Gravity Falls. (Bill Cipher goes back to Gravity Falls) (Stanley Pines arrives) Stanley: OK, I got a crate of Pitt soda from the store! Heard there was an event outside! Dib: This is the event! Sonic: We're still waiting for some characters! Stanley: I heard. Mabel: Grunkle Stan, you're here! Stanley: Kids, how are you doing today? (a bunch of cars arrive) Dib: About damn time. Ernest: Looks like they're here earlier than anticipated! Dipper: Looks like they're not here yet. (it turns out to be the former members of Led Zeppelin and Motley Crue, respectively) Mabel: What brought the bands back together? Jimmy Page: Heard there was an event. Robert Plant: A really big one. Nikki Sixx: A really, REALLY big one! Ernest: ...or maybe not. (more cars arrive) Ernest: ...or maybe so. (Dib takes out his binoculars) Dib: It's them, all right. Sophie: Here come the Simpsons, the Griffins, and all the other characters! Mabel: This event is gonna rock and roll! Eric Cartman: Oh yeah? So will the entirely of Gravity Fails! Dipper: You take that back! Eric Cartman: And who's this? Nicole Sicks? (Nikki Sixx destroys his guitar in anger) Eric Cartman: And look! It's Invader Dumb! Zim: You take that back, evil human! Eric Cartman: And look! It's Ed, Edd and Eddy! Tom: We're not Ed, Edd or Eddy! Eric Cartman: And Slowy the Hedgehog! Sonic: Hey! I'm not slow! Eric Cartman: And... dammit, I'm all out of insults! Dib: How about you STOP insulting everyone at the event and try to have a good time? Eric Cartman: I'm all out of insults! Why the hell would I not have to do that? (cut to Homer Simpson and Bender toasting to the event) Eric Cartman: Hey! Have you heard about Donald Trump recently? He has a bad hair day! Get it? Kenny McCormick: (removes his coats) Hell if I know about Donald Trump. Dib: Why do you always have those coats on? Eric Cartman: Too cold to not have one on 24/7 at South Park! Cold as ice! You'd freeze to death without your coats on! Dib: Let's make a deal- try to have a good time at this event from this point onward, and we'll fix South Park so it's not winter all day there anymore! Eric Cartman: Are you crazy? 15+ seasons of wintry cold there, and now you're trying to fix the damn situation? Mr. Cleveland: Peter, how are you? Peter Griffin: Been a long time since you moved away. (Foop arrives) Foop: Is it too late for new arrivals? Preston: I don't think so. Homer Simpson: Ahh! Anti-Fairy! Bart Simpson: We need someone to get rid of him. Itchy and Scratchy, for example. Timmy: What about the Crimson Chin? Bart Simpson: So you're saying that your superhero beats out Itchy and Scratchy? Timmy: No, I never said that. Foop: I'm not here for evil! I'm here with some of my friends... (Vicky, Denzel Crocker and Dark Lazer arrive) Denzel Crocker: Hey, twerp! You get an F! Vicky: Hey, I call him "twerp" around here, not you! Dark Lazer: I want to destroy Timmy Turner! Denzel Crocker: I'm pretty sure the Otter family doesn't want destruction at this event! Foop: He's right. Vicky: Well, we didn't bring any weapons, so... Foop: Actually, who's up for leaving? Vicky: I am! Denzel Crocker: Me too! Dark Lazer: Yeah, I'll just leave! (Foop, Vicky, Denzel Crocker, and Dark Lazer run away) Timmy: Why was Foop, Vicky, Mr. Crocker and Dark Lazer here? Ernest: That's enough delays for today. Kenny McCormick: I wonder if there's any ice cream here. Eric Cartman: Hell if I know. Stan Marsh: Probably not. It's a BBQ. Kyle Broflovski: Maybe they're saving the damn ice cream for dessert. Ernest: Ladies and gentlemen, our grill-men, Stan Smith and Homer Simpson! Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! Dib: I heard Homer Simpson cooks the best stuff on his grill. Dipper: Me too. Dib: Yeah, we probably did. (Zim goes to get a Coke, only to get punched by Edd) Edd: Hands off my Coke, buddy! (Homer Simpson goes to get the lighter) Stan Smith: Uhh... Homer, we need to get the charcoal. Homer Simpson: Yeah... you're probably right. Otherwise the grill would burn down to the ground. Stan Smith: Grills don't burn down to the ground, they MAKE things burn to the ground if you're not careful. Homer Simpson: In that case, it's probably safer to get the charcoal. (Stan Smith puts the charcoal in, then lights a match) Homer Simpson: Wait, I was gonna use a lighter! Stan Smith: There's no need. I have matches. (Stan Smith lights up the charcoal) Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! Stan Smith: You do realize we're not cooking yet, right? Homer Simpson: I thought "start cooking as soon as you light up the grill". Stan Smith: It doesn't work that way. It just... don't. Homer Simpson: Really? Stan Smith: Yes. Really. Ernest: What's taking so long? Stan Smith: We have to wait to start grilling. Homer Simpson: I didn't know we had to wait. Ernest: Give it 5 minutes. Stan Smith: So... wanna chat while we wait? Homer Simpson: Sure. (cut to Dib getting out a Spelldrive) Dib: 1000 power points. Had a Spelldrive like this back at Wonder Island. (Dib sees a spell) Dib: Fire Up the Grill. Uses 1 power point and makes sure you don't have to wait very long. (Dib is about to push the "Cast Spell" button) Dib: Activating Spelldrive. (the Charcoal Ghost appears) Charcoal Ghost: Which grill do you want me to go to? Dib: The one where Stan Smith and Homer Simpson are. (the Charcoal Ghost goes to the grill) Homer Simpson: Hey, get away from the grill, you stupid ghost! (the grill instantly becomes ready for grilling) Stan Marsh: Now that's something you don't see everyday. Stan Smith: Ready to grill these hot dogs, Homer? Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! Stan Smith: I'll take that as a yes. (cut to a montage of Homer Simpson and Stan Smith grilling; an instrumental version of Dio's "Rainbow in the Dark" is playing) (Homer Simpson starts grilling the hot dogs) (Stan Smith starts grilling the other grillable food) (Homer Simpson puts some hot dogs on the plate, while Dib puts another pack of hot dogs on the table) Homer Simpson: Thanks, Dib! (Homer Simpson starts grilling more hot dogs) (Dib puts 5 more packs of hot dogs on the table) (Homer Simpson puts some more hot dogs on the plate) (Homer Simpson grills more hot dogs) Homer Simpson: Is that all of them? Dib: We have 2 more packs. (Homer Simpson grills the rest of the hot dogs) (the music stops) Homer Simpson: And there we go. (Gaz arrives) Gaz: Whatever's going on here, I wonder how I smell hot dogs when I had that Sense of the Shadowhog curse removed. I must have built up a tolerance to it. Eric Cartman: You mean "Sense of the Shadowboredom"? Gaz: Out of good insults? Eric Cartman: Yes. That was also the last damn insult I had. Gaz: Anyways, Dib cursed me into having everything that went into my mouth taste like a pig. I believed that I was gonna have to eat hot dogs my whole life. I built a tolerance to them, but I wanted Dib to remove the curse. (cut to a flashback) Flashback Dib: Think of all the foods you'll never eat again if you destroy me now! (flashback ends) Gaz: Long story short, I had the curse removed and once Dib got out of the Shadowhog's dimension... (cut to another flashback) Flashback Gaz: Never, ever use a Spelldrive on me AGAIN! Flashback Dib: OK, deal. (flashback ends) Gaz: That's why he didn't consider me when casting that Spelldrive back at Wonder Island. Homer Simpson: You know you don't have to eat the hot dogs. That's why Stan Smith grilled some other foods. Gaz: No pizza, right? Homer Simpson: Pizza cannot be grilled. Stan Smith: Actually, provided that the crust is frozen, it can. I just didn't want to grill it. Homer Simpson: I didn't know that. Stan Smith: Also, TGB1 Industries was in this field earlier. Homer Simpson: D'oh! Dipper: I wonder what Bill is doing over at Gravity Falls. (cut to Bill Cipher and a completely-destroyed Gravity Falls) Bill Cipher: Well, this town is history! It's... mobodoomed, as I would say! (cut back to the event) Dipper: OK, then. Stan Smith: There's a button which turns Gravity Falls back to normal. Homer Simpson: Well, you grill it! I only grill the hot dogs! Stan Smith: That's not meant to be grilled! You'd make it explode! Homer Simpson: Well, I don't want it to explode... Stan Smith: Then don't grill it! Homer Simpson: I'll try not to. (Apu Nahasapeemapetilon sets up a mini Kwik-E-Mart at the event) Apu: Want to buy stuff during this BBQ? Come on down to the Kwik-E-Mart! Dipper: Nobody's gonna buy anything during this event, Apu. Apu: Sorry. (TBA)